


Worldview(s)

by somerandomonline



Series: is/was [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, tooth/mouth trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22853497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somerandomonline/pseuds/somerandomonline
Summary: Aziraphale tries to help people, Crowley tries to help Aziraphale
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: is/was [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641955
Comments: 5
Kudos: 69





	1. Chapter 1

“I apologize, my dear girl” Aziraphale said, embarrassed. He was caught in his own head, as usual, and had bumped into someone on his way to Crowley’s flat. He handed the textbooks she had dropped to her, miracling away any damage. She wouldn’t make it past the new year - brain cancer, will be discovered next week, terminal - and he debated healing her. Debated, because healing diseases took away power he could use to save more people. Cold, not selfish, not a failure. It wasn’t a failure, it wasn’t, he could only do so much. 

Aziraphale gave her a small blessing, enough to ease the worst of the pain to come, and turned around. He would visit Crowley later.

Crowley paced around his flat, trying to tape down his irrational anxiety. While Angel hadn’t called him yet, one deviation from a routine wasn’t a disaster. If Aziraphale hadn’t called by tonight, he’d go to the bookshop. 

Aziraphale walked around St. James park, thinking vaguely about what he should do with his newfound freedom. He and Crowley were spending even more time together, which as a whole was a good thing, but… Aziraphale didn’t know how long it would be until Crowley realized just who he had chosen to spend eternity with. If Crowley learned about how many people he couldn’t save, the hours he spent staring at a book and comprehending none of it, how even now, the world could easily become too much, it would be catastrophic. So, Aziraphale resolved, he’d figure it out. Find some sort of incentive to keep himself together when he was with Crowley, and everything would be fine. 

“Angel, you here?” Crowley asked, sauntering into the bookshop. It wasn’t technically night, but he doubted Aziraphale would mind. When there was no response, he frowned and went into the back room, to find his angel curled up on a chair, reading a book. 

“Angel, you there?” Aziraphale blinked and looked up, smiling slightly.

“Hello, dear. I didn’t hear you come in”.

“Yeah, you’re lucky it was me and not a customer. You need to remember to lock up, Angel”.

“I thought I - never mind. Did we have any plans tonight, heart?”

“Nah-just thought I’d pop by on the way to make a few people slightly more miserable. We could stop by a new restaurant after”. Crowley didn’t think Aziraphale would come - he wasn’t very far into his book, and hated to stop in the middle of reading, but he nodded, grabbing his coat.

Crowley had an absolute blast going to expensive stores and ensuring that any parent subjecting their children to the ordeal of dress shopping regretted it immensely. After a few hours, he saw Aziraphale frown, looking at something on the other side of the mall they were at.

“Something happen, Angel?” He knew Aziraphale had some sort of empathic ability, but how strong it was wasn’t clear to Crowley.

“Possibly, my dear. Don’t do anything too drastic before I get back”. Aziraphale stood up and began to walk across the mall, disappearing around the corner. Crowley absentmindedly made a few children notice the nearby gumball machine and cry about not getting any candy when he noticed several mall cops head in the same direction Aziraphale had gone. Frowning, he reached out with his senses, only detecting a few of Aziraphale’s own miracles. When Crowley got there, he saw Aziraphale talking to a young woman while trying to calm down the people who had crowded around him.

“Out of the way! Move, you wankers!” Crowley snapped, making his way through the crowd. Aziraphale was holding a woman’s hands as he talked to her, infusing his words with an angelic sense of _calmsafehappy_ he often used when helping others. It was working, the woman calming even as blood flowed out of her mouth.

“Now, my dear, these kind people are going to take you to the hospital, and make sure you don’t get an infection. Now, I promise you’ll be okay.” The woman nodded, walking towards the EMTs who had arrived during the commotion. Aziraphale briefly closed his eyes before noticing Crowley and walking over to him.

“I don’t suppose you’d mind taking me back to the bookshop, my dear?”

“Course, Angel. Come on”.  
They drove back to the bookshop in silence, Aziraphale pouring them both some scotch as soon as they arrived. Crowley watched, worried as Aziraphale finished off his glass and poured himself another, drinking this one more slowly. 

“Angel, what happened?”

“The poor girl had some sort of, you would say breakdown. She’d pulled her teeth out and talked about how she wasn’t really here. It was awful, dearest. I did what I could, but I don’t think it was enough”. Aziraphale finished his glass and refilled it. Crowley snapped the bottle away and stood up, offering Aziraphale a hand.

“C’mon, Angel. I’m tired.” Aziraphale finished his drink, taking Crowley’s hand and letting himself be led towards the bedroom. This would only be the second or third time they’d shared a bed, but Crowley pushed down his nervousness. When they got there, Crowley snapped himself into his pajamas and stepped out of the room while Aziraphale changed. A few moments later, he went back inside, Aziraphale sitting on the side of the bed.

“I can go if you want, Zira, but I think you should get some sleep. Is this okay?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale nodded slowly and climbed under the covers. Crowley followed, noticing Aziraplahe had carelessly left his clothes on the floor. He hadn’t noticed before, but there were a few drops of blood on the sleeve of Aziraphale’s coat. He discreetly miracled them away, laying next to Aziraphale and putting his arm around his angel. 

“Goodnight, Crowley”. Aziraphale said, burying his face in Crowley’s side.

“Night, angel”.


	2. Chapter 2

Aziraphale woke up, still in Crowley’s arms. Disentangling himself, Aziraphale’s mind flew to the day’s events. He really loves me, Aziraphale thought. He loves me. 

Aziraphale turned on to his side and curled up, body shaking with sobs.

Crowley woke alone. Sitting up, he put his hand on Aziraphale’s side of the bed, swearing when he found it cold. He walked around the flat, and then the bookstore, growing more and more nervous as time passed and he couldn’t find any sign of Aziraphale. Where could his angel possibly be at three in the morning? He expanded his senses, looking for Aziraphale’s aura. He swore when he felt it several miles away, weak and diffused. With a snap of his fingers, he teleported to his angel’s side.

Crowley swore again when he appeared a few meters away from Aziraphale in a bad part of town. Aziraphale was wearing dark clothes, and looking at him without seeing him. Most alarmingly, his true form was barely contained by his corporation, an unearthly glow around him. Crowley was at Aziraphale’s side in a heartbeat.

“Angel, what happened? Are you okay? Is it heaven? Angel?” Crowley, panicking when Aziraphale didn’t acknowledge his presence, snapped them back to the bookshop. This seemed to rouse Aziraphale from whatever had a hold on him, confusedly looking around.

“Hello, Crowley” Aziraphale said faintly.

“Okay, angel, love, what the fuck?”

“Don’t worry, dearest. This happens every now and then. I’m fine”.

“No, you aren’t! Your auras’ depleted, your corporation is barely holding on, and you didn’t notice me when I found you! What the hell, angel?” Crowley snapped, grabbing Aziraphale’s wrist. Pain briefly flashed across his face, even as he tried to hide it.

“You’re hurt!” Crowley snapped. “What ha-”

“Crowley, I’m fine. It’s just something that happens to angels; I’ll be fine in a few hours. It’s possible for well, negative feelings to manifest on an angel’s corporeal form if they don’t concentrate on preventing it. And I was just doing my duty, I’ll be fine in a few hours”.

“Aziraphale, how badly are you injured?” Aziraphale looked like he wanted to interrupt, but Crowley didn’t let him. “And why couldn’t you do your blessings in the day?”. Aziraphale was silent, and with growing dread, Crowley rolled up his sleeve to find several long, deep gashes on his arm. Aziraphale didn’t protest when Crowley miracled his shirt off, revealing similar wounds on the rest of his torso.

“They’ll be fine as long as nothing irritates them. And human remedies won’t work. Just leave them”. Shocked into silence, Crowley watched as Aziraphale gingerly put his shirt on before sitting down on a nearby couch. Before his angel could stop him, Crowley willed Aziraphale to sleep, and examined his aura.

Ethereal and occult beings had two wells of power they drew from, which one depending on what they were doing. For most things, like minor illusions and simple conjurings, they used one well, imbedded into their very souls. For the bigger ones, like healing, teleportation, or significant alterations to a person’s mind, they used the second, deeper well, powered by God or Satan, depending. While Aziraphale hadn’t used many minor miracles, the part of his power fueled by god was empty, almost to the point of burning himself out. Something had to be wrong - this was near suicidal, his angel was a sitting duck, to say nothing of the strange trance he was in. Crowley didn’t find anything that could have caused this behavior in his angel’s aura, but there had to be something. Aziraphale might help people until he physically couldn’t, he had before, but the dissociation was new -

“God fucking damn it!” Crowley swore. Aziraphale shifted in his sleep, stilling when Crowley ran his hand through his hair. Angel, angel, why didn’t you tell me? Crowley teleported them both to the bedroom, instinctively throwing up a protective barrier. Holding Aziraphale close, he resolved to watch his angel until he was awake. 

“Oh, fuck” Aziraphale said to himself as he woke up. Fuck, you pathetic failure. Crowley would get up, make an excuse about watering his plants, and then walk out of Azirapahle’s life. It would be better for Crowley, though. Aziraphale, you selfish, cruel, failed angel. Get over it. He’ll go and be fine once he leaves, and you’ll have to be fine, or Crowley will worry, and you’ve already been enough of a burden. You’re fine. You’re always fine. 

Crowley heard Aziraphale swear under his breath and sat up, watching his lover’s face shift from sadness to fear before finally settling on forced calm. 

“Angel, what happened last night?”. Aziraphale pulled the blanket over his head, turning away. “I’m not going to let this go, Aziraphale. Let me help”. 

“I’m sorry, Crowley. I’m sorry I’m -”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, love”.

“I don’t want to worry you, heart”. 

“I’ll worry less if you tell me what happened. If somethings’ wrong - if I did something -”

“No! It’s just me. It’s just, sometimes I - I forget myself, sometimes. No, harm done, I’m just tired for a few days. I appreciate your concern, but really, I’m fine”. 

“Angel, ‘I’m fine’ means ‘I’m okay’ at best, and ‘I’m going to kill someone’ at worst. And given what I saw last night, I know you aren’t okay, if the gashes I saw are any indication. You’ve completely depleted your power, and didn’t recognize me when I got you last night. How often does this happen, love?” Crowley took both of Aziraphale’s hands, squeezing gently. Aziraphale swallowed, looking up for a moment before answering.

“What you saw last night, maybe once or twice a week on average. It was the third time this week. And in the shop, there will be times when I … leave. I only remember flashes, and it can take a lot to wake me up, for lack of a better term, if it doesn’t happen naturally. It happens more often if something bad happens, but I haven’t found a pattern”.

“Okay, angel. Does it happen every time you sleep?”

“No. It can happen when I’m awake or asleep. There’s no pattern, dearest”.

“Don’t worry, angel. There’s got to be a way to stop it, we -”. 

“No!” Aziraphale snapped, nearly shouting, taking his hands out of Crowley’s. “Heart, please. You can’t stop it! It’s the only way I can - I can -” Aziraphale choked back a sob, wiping away tears. 

“Aziraphale, this isn’t healthy. What you’re doing, the humans call it -”

“I know what it’s called, Crowley! But I can’t do it. I can’t help them, not if I remember it. Not if I'm _there_. Now, excuse me”. Aziraphale moved to stand up, but Crowley grabbed his arm.

“Angel, I am not leaving your side until we figure this out. Don’t think I’ll forget this if you distract me”. Crowley let go, silently pleading for Aziraphale to sit down. Aziraphale miracled himself a cup of tea before sitting back down.

“I can feel their pain, Crowley. All of it, and no matter what I do, it’s never enough. I’m never enough. How can I help them when it’s never enough? How? They just, just go, and I can’t help them. I can’t, I -”. Aziraphale dissolved into tears, burying his head in Crowley’s shoulder.

“Oh, love. You can’t fix the world, angel. People hurt, and they die, love. You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay”. Crowley whispered soothing nonsense as his angel cried, thinking about their conversation. Crowley had known that part of why his angel stayed holed up in his shop was to avoid the world’s pain, but not that it was this bad. What could one demon do, against the ocean of pain? What could one angel do? 

Sometime later, Aziraphale stopped crying, looking at Crowley with red - rimmed eyes. They had changed from a sitting position to lying down, Crowley holding his angel tightly. 

“I’m sorry, heart” Aziraphale said, voice shaking

“You didn’t do anything wrong. My wonderful Angel. But … why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to-to be a bother”.

“Angel, love, you might genuinely be the most prissy, outdated, stubborn being I know, but you’ve never been a bother”.

“Thank you, dear”. Aziraphale’s voice was stronger, and he had stopped crying. Crowley kissed his angel, briefly, before pulling back enough to rest their foreheads together.

“I remember hearing about a new ice cream parlor opening, Angel. Want to check it out?”

“That sounds lovely, dearest”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking one more work in this series. Also, I made some edits to the first work, Re:Seperation, because formatting is hard. LMK what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Lmk what you think - comments motivate me to finish my homework. It'll probably be finished soon. This will get way worse but will have a happy ending, so be careful and stay safe.


End file.
